Could I have done something really wrong?

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How to raise a child? What happens when parents hold conflicting principles? And what about a mother who doesn't dare to share her doubts?

My baby boy was born in February 2009. I didn't get up to all his little hysterics, let him explore the world alone, and watched in silence. And certainly I just let it snooze Also, empower the learner, learn the child that many things in life have to be overcome. I didn't sleep with her at night, I'd rather go crying. I didn't rock it, I just held it, stroking, telling her, singing. She was a calm and balanced baby, as described in the books. There was a little daily routine, a schedule that we, too, could adjust to. A year passed, a daddy saved the kid for a while, and he stayed in after the sim and wrap. Then he put him to sleep. That is, he would have done ... But my very clever little son realized that Dad let everything go, Father does not need to sleep, you can stay alive and play and get angry. Soon we got to Dad's sleeping for a while, while I put him in bed, wrapped him up, and as soon as I got to the door, he slept as soon as possible. , we woke up, put the baby to sleep, he fell asleep, and Dad came back at the back door. Then, too, the boys soon became bored. Dad worked a lot, so when he was home, they spent the whole time alone. My little son was hanging out with my father and I was happy to see them. It was easier to clean it up at home while they were walking, playing, carving, and at least I could smother the grass (abbey meanwhile). There is always something to do in a garden house.They had a very close relationship. I quarreled that we didn't have breakfast in the morning, we had to use a fork to eat, yes there was a wash before eating, and if we came home, we wouldn't be able to stay all day before the year. I became the mummy. Now we're there to make the two of them inseparable, and as a babysitter, a clean-up and a cook, I make the lives of the two of them happier and appreciate every moment I can with my little son. If you help me cook and lick the whisk, if she gives me eggs, if we just go biking, if we play football, if we talk to each other, then I can be a happy mother again.

Could I have done something really wrong?

Now, after all this time, when I thought my rules were bad, and I was seriously thinking that I'm the bad mother because my child does not bind I contacted a child psychologist. To my amazement, it turned out that I did not make the mistakes that it is normal not to sleep with the child at this age. And if I don't give my boyfriend a chance to make a difference, he'll do irreparable damage. And now I'm here in a state of insecurity. To tell Dad that a child is three and a half years old, it's okay to say no, that if you do wrong, you should be punished (as is customary in the ovi) not to buy everything for the child to stop being hysterical and sorolhatnбm. Is it a mistake to let them love each other? Is it part of the eye? I don't think so. I love my boyfriend, my baby. How about my son now? He tells me the thoughts of the wicked, we talk big, and we feel good about ourselves. But when Dad comes home, he spins on me, says he doesn't like me, he doesn't want to be with me, and practically he won't tolerate me. You can reassure any child psychologist, friend, relative, family member that I'm still a good mother, miserable so ...
Best regards, Gabriella

What a chance! You can start repairing it today!

At first glance, it seems as if two opposing parenting attitudes are intertwined. Mom is strict, dad is lenient, and this can't be reconciled. One good one, the other bad one, would have to be knocked down by one. Let's talk about that, of course, because the key to the problem will be found here. But let's look at the curtain first! Certainly there might be something there, for it is hard to believe that the father suddenly decided at the age of one year that he would now be super-lenient. What could he have felt so far? Did he tell him he didn't agree with his mother's principles? Have you tried to reach a common denominator? Looks like he wasn't interested. So, slowly, a situation has developed that is in some ways beneficial to both of us. How beneficial is it, since Gabriella is just making fun of herself, and Dad is destined for acting! Come on! According to Gabi's letter, it is a great profit that while father and child play together, they can cook, wash, and make grass. (Along with this, it pains her to see that she's just a person in her family.) She's happy to see her father-son harmony. (What does eating eat because the child is not attached to it?) And how does the father profit from this upset situation? He spends his night with his little boy, not with his mother. Couldn't the intimacy of the relationship disappear somewhere? How did everyone just find the right place in the family? Indeed, with the confusion of the principles of education the family system seems to be broken. It would be a great help if you were to have a family consultation instead of a child psychologist, since they were all there. Listen to all the actors!

Educational principles

Gabriella didn't make a mistake, and neither did her husband. Both of them contain very good elements, but certainly ones that are good for a small child. One of the most important problems is that lack of knowledge and respect for the child's needs. For the little kid you need a lot of body proximity, babysitting, but also rules, clear limits. If you get only one, or only the other, you're in trouble, you won't feel safe. I don't know what Gabriella said to the psychologist, but I suspect the specialist would have supported the "strengthens the lung, learns the child has to fight many things in life" for a child less than one year old (or any age) and that "if you do wrong, you should be punished." More and more psychological and neuropsychiatric examinations prove that Excessive Requirements and Perfectly Unsuitable Educational Tools for Punishment. It is by no means a matter of having the child weigh in on his actions and understand our needs. But yes, they arouse fear and destroy self-confidence. The "free everything" principle is just as damagingfor example, when we go to bed after bedtime, we can see it all day or eat it in bed.It would be best for Gabriella and her husband to all three should respect one another. That would change the casting: the witch, the sugarcane and the little mix-up would disappear. instead three balanced and equal people would live together, where, of course, the more experienced adults set the mainstream. And to avoid having such a difficult new life, I suggest that you read it together with Adele Faber and Elanie Mazlish Speak to inquire, listen, and write about your book.
Judit Szхdy psychologistRelated articles in parenting:

• If Dad is raising you
• The natural grape
• Principles of parenting
• You love it

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